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Notes from the Book

Questions Couples Can Discuss Before Shopping

The conversation that makes every subsequent purchase easier.

Reading time
6 min
Last reviewed
September 10, 2026

Products for two people work best when the conversation comes first. These prompts are written to be easy to raise and easy to decline.

How to begin

Choose a moment that is not in the bedroom and not under pressure: a walk, a drive, a quiet evening. Frame the conversation as curiosity rather than a request, and make clear that any answer, including no, is a good answer. A card deck can help by giving the prompts to a third party.

Questions worth asking

None of these needs an answer tonight. Any of them can be skipped.

  • Is there anything you have been curious about but have not mentioned?
  • Would you rather start with something for atmosphere, something sensory, or something more specific?
  • How do you feel about products that connect to a phone?
  • Is quiet operation important in our home?
  • Are there materials, fragrances or textures either of us reacts to?
  • What would make you feel comfortable saying stop, at any point?
  • Is there anything that is simply off the table?

Agreeing the basics

Two things are worth settling explicitly, whatever you decide to buy: a word that means stop, and an understanding that either person can use it without explanation. For anything involving blindfolds or restraint, add a nonverbal signal. These are not formalities; they are what makes exploration relaxed.

Aftercare, meaning the conversation afterward about what worked, applies to any new experience, not only to the intense ones.

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